i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
