so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
