the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize