I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
