just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
