I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
