After last night, I could never be a politician.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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