my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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