i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
