The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
