he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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