My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
