marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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