matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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