ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
