i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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