things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
