Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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