Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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