This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You just made me feel so damn special
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
