Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
