He uses pillows to masturbate.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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