just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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