so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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