were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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