I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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