i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
