Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
