I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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