I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
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Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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