I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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