Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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