dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
