that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
