"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
