omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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