If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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