I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
