Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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