ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
