After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
