The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
