And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
