i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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