when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
