So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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