I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found puke in my bra..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
