I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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