I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
