I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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