At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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