can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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