He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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