you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
