Cold hands, warm shart.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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