Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
