proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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