got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
