Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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