My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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