He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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