paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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