I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
