I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
