im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
