Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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