I want to make a zoo with you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
